Having your life together… in it its own regard.

Today I used a writing prompt because sometimes we can all get blocks. Today I can say this. Looking back on my life it has been chaos. Thankfully not today. I am starting to do things for me, speak up for myself in very dim situations as where in the past I may have run and hid. I have had a very rough week and I managed to pick myself up by my apron strings and get through it all. I am having bariatric surgery for myself and because my health is not really good if I don’t. I went to see my psychiatrist to get my approval and well needless to say he was very unprofessional and said some very derogatory and inappropriate things to me. I had never left an appointment feeling so bad about myself. I tried to get my therapist to pull me back but she would not.

I went out and got into my car. Started to drive was ok most of the way, but halfway home burst into tears. I hated myself so much after that appointment. Now I am at a couple days later and I am feeling better. Used the resources that I have around me and I pulled myself back out of the situation, changed agencies that I get my care with and had my intake two days later.

Had that beenĀ 10 or 15 yrs prior I would have been stuck in that situation for a very long time. I would have let that take me down for weeks. I may have even let that knock me out to be hospitalized.

I may not have it all together right now. But much more ahead than I was, even from 7 or 8 months ago. These might seem like very small amounts of time, but to me right now they are huge. So I have my life together as much as I can for the moment right now. I am pretty proud of myself right now.